March 22nd, 1492

I keep seeing werewolves in my dreams. They haunt me, they really do. But they are a different type of wolf. More like the pup I saw a few nights back. They come to me, they listen to me, they love me, but most of all they accept me. I keep seeing a larger wolf, he walks up to me on his hind legs, he is huge! He takes his claws and places it on the back of my neck. He marks me. He marks me as a member of the wolves… the mark I can’t see I can’t make it out… but they all carry it. It is visible in their grey fur, almost silver, fur, each has different streaks of color, but all of them show the color grey… They are so beautiful… then I remember they are wolves… evil… lap dogs of Satan… Why do they haunt me?

March 17th, 1492

There was a werewolf hunt this St. Patrick’s day. I started out excited, but I came across a werewolf, it stared at me. I stared back. I could not bring myself to kill it. I brought up my bow, I even took aim, but I could not let go of the arrow. I just stared at the wolf, it was young, a puppy in a way. He didn’t seem like a raving animal, he did not kill me at least. I put my arrow down. It came up to me and sniffed me. It then led me to a body of a werewolf; it was changing back into a human. It was dying. She was dying. Must have been the mother. I buried it. I don’t know why, but I did. I took the time to dig a grave, and to bless the grave with my herbs and oils. The other Hunters would call this a waste, and even question my loyalties. But this wolf was a human as well. I would have put my arrow down against werewolves in general if a larger wolf did not come out and try to attack me at the point I was done marking the grave. I of course killed it, and all without a scratch on me. It was different than the dead werewolf and the pup, who took off running when the larger, now dead wolf came charging at us. I had heard of a rumor of wolves that were born, not made, being different. Maybe the pup just didn’t know how to kill on its own yet…

March 11th, 1492

I laid away staring at the stars tonight. My father use to tell me about them. Mary asked me who wants to die alone? I do. I don’t want to have anybody stuffer from the pain of my death. But I am too greedy to leave Mary and Philip. I love them. I am already dead inside. They just do not know it. So I laid awake and stared at the stars, wondering who I am, who I was, who I am to be? And most of all, when will evil win my life? Will I get my revenge before then? I pray I do. But I don’t know who it is I pray to anymore. I think I am far from being saved…

March 3rd, 1492

Ran into some hobgoblins… who knew they were real? Well I guess Hunters older than I did. They are ugly little creatures. They tried to push a few of us off the cliffs. Thankfully they are slow. It didn’t take long to evade them and kill a few. I am becoming too good with weapons. Mary fears that… not I. I am proud of my power. She thinks a man will tame me. I feel no desire. The only love I know is that of family. I do not think I can love. I do not think I could ever be a wife. Or a mother. That is alright with me. I cannot risk my soul becoming blacker with heartache.

February 21st, 1492

An Incubus tricked a local woman into having a baby. I look into those eyes and you would not believe the things that can come from the most horrible of beings. The child is pure mortal… probably to the pain of the Incubus… The baby is so gorgeous. He reminds me of my brothers. Mary is cooing at the thing. I am glad it turned out human. I could not kill it. I look into those eyes, and find my weakness. Kids… I may be cold and heartless… but not that cold and heartless.

February 16th, 1492

I was walking alone, wondering where the Hunters I have met on my journeys are, and I saw it. The bloody demon. I gave chase. It leads me right to a field of murdered children. I fell to my knees and cried. They all had the blood hair blue eyes of my brothers. I fell to my knees and cried in pain. I screamed for it to come kill me. This war! What are you waiting for you bloody demon? What are you waiting for when I am not waiting? When I am breaking the rules? Killing demons, and mortals alike in my hunt for you. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Oh Lord help me! I don’t know what I stand for anymore. I don’t know why I truly do this anymore. Is it just revenge? Is it more? Do I do it for the right reasons? Do I even care? What do I stand for? Oh Lord I need redemption. I need you to save me… or do I? Is it you that is meant to save me? Or is another? The holy men I run into… they cry for me. They worry for me… they know something… they see something… Someone save me… please…

February 7th, 1492

Sometimes I wonder why I even wake up some mornings. We lost five Hunters last night. We were attacked by zombies. Honest to God zombies. At first I thought it was a joke. I had seen reanimated copses, but these were different. Something had to be controlling them. They were made from a whole town. We heard rumors of them just sitting there and dying. So full of sloth that they just died. I do not know. But they came back from the dead with a hunger they could not fill in life because of their laziness to get up and get food. They attacked us. We were surrounded. But we fought and in the end we lost five, and the bodies of the zombies were destroyed. We burned the whole town.

January 31st, 1492

Mary is pregnant. She just told me today. She is about three months along. Pregnant. A Hunter having a baby. In this world? I smiled and congratulated her. She is due in May. I don’t know if I will be around then. I don’t know what will happen. But I am happy that she is happy. Maybe this will get her to stop hunting. Maybe she will bury me. Maybe I won’t have to feel the pain of losing her. Pregnant. A pregnant Mary telling me I should marry and have a baby. I laugh. My soul is too dark for that.

January 23rd, 1492

What do I stand for? I don’t know. I see the ghosts of so many I have killed. The demons, the humans… I kill more than those I write about. I see them. They haunt me. What do I stand for? Sometimes even I don’t know. But I wake up every day and fight. I wake up every day and pray for a chance at redemption. A redemption I know my soul will never see. I know that now. But I still get up. I still fight. I still pray. I still believe. My brothers… I will never see again… What do I stand for? Someone… something… please tell me! I don’t know who I am. I see the ghosts of those I have destroyed. Who am I? What am I? Darkness is spreading through me…

January 15th, 1492

Some nights I stay up thinking of my life. I know sometimes if it was not for bad luck I would have no luck at all. I stay up thinking more and more at night. I think of the demons we fight. Sometimes we lose and have to retreat. Sometimes we lose a Hunter. Sometimes we have to call it a draw. Sometimes we win. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time. Sometimes I wish I was as dead as my soul. As dead as my heart.